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Generic Government Press Release
A Work of Interactive Satire
Under a top secret program initiated by the Bush Administration after the Sept. 11 attacks, the New York Yankees have been gathering a vast database of dsfasdfas involving United States citizens.
"This program is a vital tool in the fight against terrorism," Pat Buchanan said. "Without it, we would dangerously unsafe, and the terrorists would have probably killed you and every other American citizen." The Bush Administration stated that the revelation of this program has severely compromised national security.
"This program is a threat to privacy and civil liberties," the invisible man said. But Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said: "This is a very limited program. It only contains detailed records about every American citizen. That's all. It does not compromise civil liberties. We have a series of procedures in place to protect liberty."
"We're not trolling through the personal data of Americans," Bush said, "we're just looking at all of their records."
The Americans with Disabilities Act regulates dsfasdfas and typically requires a draught from the Fountain of Youth. Although the New York Yankees did not obtain a draught from the Fountain of Youth, the Bush Administration contends that the progam is "totally legal." According to the Attorney General, "we can fiddle while Rome burns. But you know what's fun to do when something's burning? Toast marshmallows! So hey, hand me that bag over there. The program is part of the President's emergency war powers."
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These Items Already Added
agency
- FBI
- CIA
- NSA
- Department of Defense
- Department of Defense
- Department of Homeland Security
- Internal Agency of Doughnut Decoration
- Foreign Legion
- Project for a New American Century
- New World Order
- IRS
- FEMA
- World Bank
- WHO
- Queen of England
- Publisher's Clearinghouse
- Diebold, Inc.
- Shriners
- scientists at NASA
- Library of Congress
- Congress
- Flintstones
- Jetsons
- Simpsons
- geeks at Google
- Queen of England
- New World Order
- BBC
- Association of Restauranteurs
- THMOWFQD (Transatlantic Hyrbrid Motors Of Western Franchises Quarantine Department)
- IDIOTS (International Database Involving Overseas Terrorist Sabotage)
- Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
- Department of Electoral illusions
- Department of Defense
- sd
- Ministry of Silly Walks
- FBI
- Ministry of Silly Walks
- We will hunt and kill anyone who read Kafka
- National Department of Loonies
- FBI
- CIA
- CIA
- FBI
- phone numbers of "hot chicks"
- FBI
- NSA
- NSA
- John Johnson
- Deportment For Disslecsixs
- nsa
- Microsoft
- WHO
- yes
- Norway
- Retarded Children (RC)
- Retarded Children (RC)
- New World Order
- Census
- FEMA
- Useless Forums
- Ministry of Silly Walks
- Department of Defense
- FEMA
- CIA
- coast guard
- SMER
- FSB
- FBI
- FBI
- FBI
- NSA
- MIT
- NYLDP
- Department of Redundancy Department
- FBI
- TPC
- Department of Defense
- test
- CIA
- FBI
- Ku Klux Klan
- CIA
- Daughters of the American Revolution
- newly-renamed Abteilung der Heimatsicherheit
- Illuminati
- Trilateral Commission
- FBI
- nsa
- Mossad
- NSA
- Teamsters
- CIA
- fbi
- dave
- iambolliwood63
- FEMA
- Canoli Joint
- 1937 Canoli Order Privacy Act
- Cardassian Authority
- Army Security Agency
- California Department of Emergency Services
- University of California, Irvine
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- Aliens from Planet Zork
- CHOAM
- records of apostrophe misuse on teh Internets
- Swedish Bikini Combo
- Stargate Command
- Bavarian Illuminati
- DHS
- Ministry of Silly Walks
- Department of Redundancy Department
- Internal Agency of Doughnut Decoration
- KGB
- Free Masons
- Church of Scientology
- New York Yankees
- USDA
- NASA
- Social Security Administration
- Government Accountability Office
- Library of Congress
- Government Printing Office
- Commodity Futures Trading Commission
- Environmental Protection Agency
- Federal Communications Commission
- Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System
- General Services Administration
- National Labor Relations Board
- National Science Foundation
- Office of Personnel Management
- Small Business Administration
- Securities and Exchange Commission
- Treasury Department
- Department of Justice
- Department of Agriculture
- Commerce Department
- Department of Health and Human Services
- Department of Veterans Affairs
- Department of Education
- United States Agency for International Development
- United States International Trade Commission
- Office of National Drug Control Policy
- National Security Council
- Council on Environmental Quality
- Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives
- Office of National AIDS Policy
- Office of Science and Technology Policy
- White House Military Office
- USA Freedom Corps
- Agricultural Research Service
- Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service
- Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion
- Federal Crop Insurance Corporation
- Food Safety and Inspection Service
- Forest Service
- Grain Inspection, Packers and Stockyards Administration
- National Agricultural Statistics Service
- Risk Management Agency
- Bureau of Industry and Security
- Economics and Statistics Administration
- Economic Development Administration
- Minority Business Development Agency
- National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration
- National Weather Service
- National Environmental Satellite Data and Information Service
- National Telecommunications and Information Administration
- Patent and Trademark Office
- Office of Technology Policy
- Missile Defense Agency
- National Reconnaissance Office
- National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency
- Office of English Language Acquisition, Language Enhancement and Academic Achievement for Limited English Proficient Students
- Office of Federal Student Aid
- Office of Vocational and Adult Education
- Federal Energy Regulatory Commission
- National Nuclear Security Administration
- Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality
- Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- Food and Drug Administration
- National Institutes of Health
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
- National Cyber Security Division
- U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services
- United States Secret Service
- Transportation Security Administration
- Government National Mortgage Association
- Office of Surface Mining
- Fish and Wildlife Service
- National Park Service
- Office of Insular Affairs
- Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives
- Drug Enforcement Administration
- Federal Bureau of Prisons
- INTERPOL
- National Drug Intelligence Center
- Minitru
- Office of Tribal Justice
- Bureau of Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor
- Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs
- Bureau of the Public Debt
- Consumer Product Safety Commission
- MI6
- google java
- sun java
- NSA
- dumb
- BSI
- A Thousand Points of Light
- Snuffleupagus
- The Mormons
- Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service
- IRS
- our insect overlords
- FBI
- Department of Motor Vehicles
- sss
- sssssssssssssssssssss
- NSA
- CSIS
- fnord
- RIAA
- America First
- Westboro Baptist Church
- Traditional Values Coalition
- Chalcedon Foundation
- United Nuwaubian Nation of Moors
- Institute for Historical Review
- Sovereign Citizen Movement
- Nation of Aztlan
- League of the South
- Noua Dreapta
- White Revolution founded by Billy Roper
- The Hammerskin Nation
- Council of Conservative Citizens
- Christian Identity
- California Coalition for Immigration Reform
- American Patrol
- Pioneer Fund
- National Cancer Institute
- person who created this web page
- local newspaper publishers
- BND
- SPECTRE
- Chrysler Scumbags Anonymous
- European Commission
- Gestapo
- Room 101 department
- WIPO
- nod from G.W.Bush
- be sure you'll agree with us after we've had a little
- None
These Items Already Added
record_type
- phone records
- banking records
- medical records
- permanent grade school records
- Dental records
- immunization records
- credit card statements
- driving records
- phone numbers of "hot chicks"
- World's Records
- "Five Alarm" chili recipes
- really trivial stuff
- other people who "use the stuff"
- fishing licenses
- credit scores
- naughty pictures
- voting records
- things you don't want your mother to know
- bovine testicles
- golf score cards
- internet searches
- random numbers
- voting records
- faggots
- Myspace Comments
- Unloved washing machines
- people with ginger hair
- Dental records
- Bathroom Records
- NSA
- Lotto numbers
- faeces samples
- Queen of England
- Google Search Records
- Myspace Comments
- drug interdiction records
- phone records
- video rental receipts
- people who eat peanut butter
- nsa
- Chicken Little
- sperm bank records
- history of sexual encounters
- canoli orders
- $500 chocolate-chip cookie recipes
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- toilet paper purchases
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- Berkley Police Department Intelligence Unit
- record of confirmed vampire killings
- records of apostrophe misuse on teh Internets
- complete records of all people who have ever willfully used "Teh" in a sentence
- Google search record
- Vaccination Records
- records of American purchases of Cheez Whiz and Spam
- records of condom usage in all U.S. households
- records of every time you have ever cheated on your diet
- all ther herbs and spices used in KFC's secret recipe
- masturbation times and places
- lists of people with Britney Spears songs on their iPods
- records of paper airplanes flown when you should have been doing something more useful
- pizza deliveries to addresses of suspected freethinkers
- times and places where US citizens cried during sappy television commercials
- Starbucks Frappucinos you ordered after saying you were going to cut back on caffeine
- people who pointed out that the threat level was only raised to orange when the Bush Administration wanted to distract you from something important
- Vinyl
- people who visited this web page
- people who think this web page is funny
- web sites you visited while you were goofing off at work
- people who squeezed the Charmin after repeatedly--repeatedly!--being warmed not to
- purchases of exercise equipment by people who never use it for anything but a clothing rack
- records of people who are wearing dirty underwear right now (are *you* on the list?)
- archives of all the times people forget the difference between "It's" and "Its"
- people who have ever typed "rediculous" non-ironically
- records of abortion procedures
- people who cheered for a non-American team in the World Cup
- annoying vegans who tell disgusting stories about that steak you were eating last night
- history books borrowed from public libraries
- things you don't want your mother to know
- things you don't want your next-door neighbor to know
- MySpace comments
- people who never bother to take out the trash yet continually complain about the overflowing garbage can
- people who never bother to take out the trash yet continually complain about the overflowing garbage can
- people who squeezed the Charmin after repeatedly--repeatedly!--being warned not to
- people who squeezed the Charmin after repeatedly--repeatedly!--being warned not to
- people who need people
- people, people who need people
- "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law" tags that have been removed
- anyone who reads Kafka
- Database
- those songs which get stuck in your head and you can't get them out all day and you find yourself humming them and infecting everybody else
- illegally duplicated software on all your computers
- floofy purebred puppy dogs dyed in pink and engaged in lascivious behaviors
- stool samples
- DNA samples
- blog posts critical of our Beloved Leader
- psychiatric records
- old heavy metal records, including those by '80s hair bands
- sdfa
- dsfasdfas
- driving records
- Myspace.com
- Shriners
- pizza deliveries to known consumers of anchovies
- Gun Registry
- fnord
- supermarket club card purchases
- unpublished letters to Savage Love
- stamp collections
- Wine Recommendations
- personalized License Plate
- credit reports
- everything on the Internet
- subsonic flash drives
These Items Already Added
bush_official
- Secretary of Agriculture Mike Johanns
- Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
- Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
- Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
- Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff
- Secretary of the Treasury John Snow
- Vice-President Dick Cheney
- Secretary of Energy Samuel W. Bodman
- White House Chief of Staff Joshua B. Bolten
- Office of National Drug Control Policy John Walters
- a bag full of cat crap
- some random guy from the local Post Office
- some jackbooted thug
- four pounds of finishing nails
- a member of the clergy
- the CEO of a vast international conglomerate
- the Easter Bunny
- Santa Claus
- a plantation owner
- project for a new American century
- dogbreath
- Arthur Bayne
- an Algerian transvestite who molests donkeys
- Gregory McGregor
- Publisher's Clearinghouse
- Big Penis Head
- homophobic smith
- Joey Joe Joe Jnr. Shabadu
- Frogs
- King Kunt
- Office of National Drug Control Policy John Walters
- George W. Bush
- Prostetic Vogon Jeltz
- DentArthurDent
- Senator Palpatine
- Elmo
- Elmo
- Elmo
- Chicken Little
- Joseph Goebbels
- Ariel Fleischer
- Rudy Rucker
- a screaming talking head
- Dick Cheney
- Ahnold Schwarzenegger
- Zombie Reagan
- Paula Abdul
- One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater
- JarJar Binks
- The Three Stooges
- an esteemed Vogon poet
- an esteemed Vogon poet
- A. Schicklegruber
- Raoul Mitgong
- Oscar the Grouch
- Barney Dinosaur
- FOX News "reporter"
- Chief Miscreant Karl Rove
- Great Cthulhu
- pop singer Michael Jackson
- Tom Cruise
- Ann Coulter
- Nicolae Carpathia
- Adam Weishaupt
- Dr. Phil
- Jerry Falwell
- Josef Stalin
- Cronie #3
- Cronie #3
- Mariah Carey
- Steve Irwin
- Celine Dion
- Donald Trump
- Martha Stewart
- Pat Robertson
- Pat Buchanan
- Nosferatu
- Vlad Tepes
- Sauron
- Gollum
- Mephistopheles
- a Fox "News" reporter
- Hilary Clinton
- Nicolae Carpathia, registered Antichrist
- Lex Luthor
- Mao Tse-Tung
- Kim Il Sung
- Kim Jong Il
- Rev. Sun Myung Moon
- Osama Bin Laden dressed up in a bunny suit
- Screwtape
- The Wicked Witch of the West
- fnord
- Fred Waldron Phelps, Sr.
- Rev. Louis P. Sheldon
- Rousas John Rushdoony
- Gary North
- Greg Bahnsen
- Joseph Stalin
- Senator Rick Santorum
- some uneducated yahoo
- a corn-fed beauty queen
- Big Brother
- Jerry Rivers
- Juhar Skrewed
- Oz Ganja
These Items Already Added
privacy_advocate
- Privacy Advocate Richard M. Smith
- the ACLU
- Larry Flynt
- the Freemasons
- the Illuminati
- the Order of the Golden Dawn
- Liberal Wacknut who is obviously on the side of the terrorists
- Elmo the Muppet
- some guy dressed as Darth Vader in line for tickets to a movie
- my masage therapist
- a local hooker
- saxaphone player Kenny G
- Beth Givens, director of the Privacy Rights Clearinghouse
- the Constitution
- Pam Dixon, head of the World Privacy Forum
- Richard Smith, formerly at the Privacy Foundation
- American Library Association
- Robert Bulmash, founder of the advocacy group Private Citizen
- a cup of juice
- a scientist
- a local recycling business owner
- a local art student
- a band of ragged pirates
- someone who wants good head
- a privacy official, whose name cannot be disclosed for legal reasons
- the invisible man
- A Druid with dogshit in his hair.
- Michael Hunt
- Richard Head
- the ACLU
- Arthur Dent
- Alcoholics Anonymous
- Woody Harrelson
- Big Bird
- Snuffleupagus
- Traci Lords
- Ford Prefect
- Zaphod Beeblebrox
- Little Miss Muffett
- Pete Townshend
- Thomas Jefferson
- George Washington
- Thomas Paine
- a top EFF official who fears to be named
- Bad Bad Leroy Brown
- Kibo
- Homer Simpson
- the Dixie Chicks
- The Libertarian Party
- Fox Mulder
- Bilbo Baggins
- Frodo Baggins
- the reality-based community
- the Church of the Subgenius
- Johnny Appleseed
- Paul Bunyan
- the spirits of every single one of the Founding Fathers
- the ghosts of all the Founding Fathers
- Clark Kent
- reporter Clark Kent
- The Amazing Spiderman
- a top EFF official who fears to be named
- Electronic Privacy Information Clearinghouse
- Electronic Privacy Information Clearinghouse
- fnord
- Fred Waldron Phelps, Sr.
- Rev. Louis P. Sheldon
- David Kestenbaum
- Malachi Z. York
- Zecharia Sitchin
- Journalist Adam Heimlich
- advice columnist Dan Savage
- Pumphole of the Bailey
- Richard Stallman
- John Gilmore
- Bruce Schneier
- Will B. Snarky
These Items Already Added
statute_name
- Cotton Tax Act of 1834
- Judiciary Act of 1789
- Proclamation of Neutrality of 1793
- Project for Perpetual Peace of 1761
- Whisky Rebellion of 1794
- Executive Order Blocking Property and Prohibiting Transactions With Persons Who Commit, Threaten to Commit, or Support Terrorism; September 24, 2001
- The Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798
- Acilian Law on the Right to Recovery of Property Officially Extorted of 122 B.C.
- Agrarian Law of 111 B.C.
- The Athenian Constitution
- The Bull of Pope Adrian IV Empowering Henry II to Conquer Ireland of 1155
- Code of Hammurabi
- Decree of the Emperor Henry IV Concerning a Truce of God of 1085
- Foundation of the University of Heidelberg of 1386
- General Charter for Those who Discover Any New Passages, Havens, Countries, or Places of 1614
- Golden Bull of the Emperor Charles IV of 1356
- Law of Caesar on Municipalities of 44 B.C.
- Magna Carta of 1215
- Letters Patents of King Henry the Seventh Granted unto Iohn Cabot and his Three Sonnes, Lewis, Sebastian and Sancius for the the Discouerie of New and Unknowen Lands of 1498
- Proclamation Against the Disorderly Transporting His Majesty's subjects to the Plantations Within the Parts of America of 1637
- Twelve Tables of 450 B.C.
- Statute of Laborers of 1351
- The Corn Laws by Thomas Malthus
- Some Law I Just Made Up
- The Intergalactic Stealth Tax 1977
- Diversion Of Public Attention Act of 2001
- the top secret hush-hush act
- International Thingy-ma-jig
- Cotton Tax Act of 1834
- B.S.
- Carpet Tacks Tax Act of 1907
- Catch-22
- Statute of Limitations
- Reinheitsgebot, the German Beer Purity Law of 1516
- privacy act
- USA PATRIOT Act
- ERISA
- the War Powers Act
- Law of the Jungle, ca. 5,001,453 B.C.
- War Power Patriot Blah Blah Blah... we know you won't look up the law for yourselves, so we can say anything
- Space Alien Registration Act
- First freaking Amendment to the United States Constitution
- Second Law of Thermodynamics
- Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000
- Enumerated Powers Act
- Trading with the Enemy Act — also called the Act of October 6, 1917
- International Emergency Economic Powers Act (IEEPA) of 1977
- National Emergencies Act
- American Servicemembers' Protection Act
- Militia Act of 1903
- War Crimes Act of 1996
- Naval Act of 1794
- Defense Reorganization Act of 1958
- Land Ordinance of 1785
- Theresa Marie Schiavo's law
- Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act
- Dominican Republic-Central America-United States Free Trade Agreement Implementation Act
- Family Entertainment and Copyright Act
- Protection of Lawful Commerce in Arms Act
- Caribbean National Forest Act of 2005
- Presidential $1 Coin Act of 2005
- Bunning-Bereuter-Blumenauer Flood Insurance Reform Act of 2004
- Unborn Victims of Violence Act (Laci and Conner's Law)
- Medicare Prescription Drug, Improvement, and Modernization Act
- Fair and Accurate Credit Transactions Act
- Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003
- Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2003
- Illicit Drug Anti-Proliferation Act
- PROTECT (Prosecutorial Remedies and Other Tools to end the Exploitation of Children Today) Act
- Do-Not-Call Implementation Act of 2003
- Farm Security and Rural Investment Act of 2002
- Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000
- Religious Land Use and Institutionalized Persons Act
- Electronic Signatures in Global and National Commerce Act
- Gramm-Leach-Bliley Financial Services Modernization Act
- Digital Millennium Copyright Act
- Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act
- Taxpayer Relief Act of 1997
- Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act ("HIPPA")
- Food Quality Protection Act of 1996
- Telecommunications Act of 1996
- Lobbying Disclosure Act
- North American Free Trade Agreement Implementation Act
- Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act (Brady Bill)
- Religious Freedom Restoration Act
- Family and Medical Leave Act
- Intermodal Surface Transportation Efficiency Act
- Weapons of Mass Destruction Control Act
- Chinese Student Protection Act of 1992
- Civil Rights Act of 1991
- Visual Artists Rights Act (1990)
- Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation Act
- Americans with Disabilities Act
- Administrative Dispute Resolution Act
- Flag Protection Act of 1989
- Child Protection and Obscenity Enforcement Act
- Indian Gaming Regulatory Act
- Medicare Catastrophic Coverage Act
- Computer Security Act of 1987
- Agricultural Credit Act of 1987
- Malcolm Baldrige National Quality Improvement Act of 1987
- Surface Transportation and Uniform Relocation Assistance Act
- Anti-Drug Abuse Act (1986)
- Emergency, Planning and Community Right-To-Know Act (1986)
- Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986 (Simpson-Mazzoli Act)
- Age Discrimination in Employment Act
- Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 1986
- Comprehensive Anti-Apartheid Act
- Gold Bullion Coin Act of 198
- Hazardous and Solid Waste Amendments of 1984
- Counterfeit Access Device and Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1984
- Voting Accessibility for the Elderly and Handicapped Act
- Nuclear Waste Policy Act
- Drug Abuse Prevention, Treatment, and Rehabilitation Act
- Fish and Wildlife Conservation Act of 1980
- Paperwork Reduction Act (1980)
- Alaska National Interest Lands Conservation Act
- Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation, and Liability Act (CERCLA or Superfund)
- Nuclear Non-Proliferation Act
- National Energy Conservation Policy Act
- Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act
- Ethics in Government Act (that's pretty funny, isn't it?)
- Civil Service Reform Act
- Community Reinvestment Act
- International Emergency Economic Powers Act
- Surface Mining Control and Reclamation Act
- Foreign Corrupt Practices Act
- Clean Water Act
- National Forest Management Act
- Government in the Sunshine Act
- Federal Land Policy and Management Act
- Toxic Substances Control Act
- Resource Conservation and Recovery Act
- Railroad Revitalization and Regulatory Reform Act
- Federal Land Policy and Management Act
- Hazardous Materials Transportation Act
- Revenue Adjustment Act (Earned Income Tax Credit)
- Safe Drinking Water Act
- Privacy Act of 1974
- Juvenile Justice and Deliquency Prevention Act of 1974
- Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act
- Research on Aging Act
- Endangered Species Act
- Noise Control Act
- Equal Employment Opportunity Act
- Marine Mammal Protection Act
- Federal Election Campaign Act
- Alaska Native Claims Settlement Act
- Organized Crime Control Act (including the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act ("RICO")
- Environmental Quality Improvement Act
- Plant Variety Protection Act
- Controlled Substances Act
- Bank Secrecy Act
- Lead-Based Paint Poisoning Prevention Act
- Occupational Safety and Health Act
- Postal Reorganization Act
- Community Mental Health Service Act
- Truth in Lending Act
- Consumer Credit Protection Act
- Federal Coal Mine Health and Safety Act
- Alcoholic and Narcotic Rehabilitation Act
- Public Broadcasting Act
- National Wildlife Refuge System Administration Act
- National Traffic and Motor Vehicle Safety Act
- National Historic Preservation Act
- Freedom of Information Act
- Solid Waste Disposal Act
- National Emissions Standards Act
- Highway Beautification Act
- Federal Cigarette Labeling and Advertising Act of 1965
- Urban Mass Transportation Act
- Clean Air Act
- Mental Retardation Facilities Construction Act/Community Mental Health Centers Act
- Migration and Refugee Assistance Act
- Bribery Act
- Bribery Act
- Communications Satellite Act
- Interstate Wire Act of 1961
- Peace Corps Act of 196
- Civil Rights Act of 1960
- Military Construction Appropriation Act
- Federal Aviation Act
- National Aeronautics and Space Act
- Poliomyelitis Vaccination Assistance Act
- Communist Control Act of 1954
- Federal National Mortgage Association Charter Act
- Saint Lawrence Seaway Act
- Immigration and Nationality Act (McCarran-Walter Act)
- Fair Labor Standards Amendment
- Federal Water Pollution Control Act, June 30, 1948
- Taft-Hartley Act, June 23, 1947
- Presidential Succession Act
- Atomic Energy Act
- Richard B. Russell National School Lunch Act
- War Brides Act
- Lend Lease Act
- Selective Service Act
- Hatch Act of 1939 ("Hatch Political Activity Act", "An Act to Prevent Pernicious Political Activities")
- Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act
- Fair Labor Standards Act
- Civil Aeronautics Act
- Natural Gas Act
- Foreign Agents Registration Act
- Merchant Marine Act
- Rural Electrification Act
- Social Security Act
- National Labor Relations Act
- Soil Conservation and Domestic Allotment Act
- Buy American Act
- Plant Patent Act
- Pure Food and Drug Act
- Roberts Rules of Order
- Mann Act
- Sturgeon's Law
- fnord
- Sherman Antitrust Act
- rules from a Monopoly game
- pointless, endless, redundant legal document or whateveryearitmightbe
- Act of Forcible Colonsocopy
- Constitution of Iran
- Regulation, Evaluation and Assesment of Chemical Substansec (REACH)
- Declaration of Independence
- whim of Our President
- Stonewall Finkelstein
These Items Already Added
court_order
- judge's approval
- warrant
- subpoena
- Hall Pass
- handwritten note scribbled on a cocktail napkin by some dude claiming to "know the f'n law, man"
- money order
- handwritten permission slip from your mother
- certified mail
- prescription
- subscription
- conscription
- department store reciept
- ticket stub
- photo ID
- large wheel of cheese
- gauze bandage
- Brazilian-style bikini wax
- stint working fast food
- boot to the head
- good excuse
- decent cut of meat
- ton of paperwork
- trip to the zoo
- lottery ticket
- swallow each time
- session of violent ass reaming
- friend to wipe your arse for you
- note signed by the citizen's grandparent
- 15-year-old female virgin as a human sacrifice
- substancial bribe
- fasdffs
- confusificating pronouncement
- Hall Pass
- kiss on the first date
- subpoena
- Top Sekrit letter written in invisible ink
- itty-bitty teenie-weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
- a field trip permission slip
- several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a Pict
- spoilers for the seventh Harry Potter book
- spoiler for the seventh Harry Potter book
- blank check
- letter signed by Joss Whedon
- scale model of the Millennium Falcon
- small, constipated weasel
- simple court order the bloody Bush Administration could have gotten if they'd cared
- a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down
- pit viper
- sun java
- Social Security card, driver's license, birth certificate, and voter registration card
- green eggs and ham
- a small payment to be sent to the United Nations
- a wish upon a star
- complete set of forms filled out by our insect overlords
- toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog, and fillet of a fenny snake to put in the cauldron to boil and bake
- broomstick that once belonged to the Wicked Witch of the West
- golden ram's pelt hanging from the oak tree where Aeetes placed it
- golden apple from Eris. Hail Discordia!
- vial of fresh blood for Nosferatu
- --no, THE One Ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them
- small bowl of Cream of Wheat
- standard dose of Metamucil or other fiber product to provide regularity
- pomegranate seed from Hades
- good Fair Trade chocolate bar, as opposed to that nasty stuff from Hershey's
- slice of frozen pizza that tastes just like delivery pizza
- draught from the Fountain of Youth
- piece of gold from el Dorado
- head of the nine-headed Hydra
- wild bull of Crete
- girdle of Hippolyta, the queen of the Amazons
- golden apple from the garden of the Hesperides, which was always guarded by the dragon Ladon
- chocolate fondue
- condom, spermicide, and a vat of lube
- medium-sized hamster wheel
- remotely plausible story about why this is necessary
- ritual sacrifice of a mountain of paperwork
- perpetual motion device
- spoiler for the next Harry Potter book
- three-toed tree toad
- small, constipated weasel
- simple warrant they would have had no difficulty obtaining if they had really wanted to
- little black book
- iron fist in a velvet glove
- anal smear exam from former Governor McGreevey
- anal smear exam from former Governor McGreevey
- anal smear exam from former Governor McGreevey
- fnord
- clue
- big drink of santorum
- really cool looking rock
- handful of vomit
- plausible excuse
- probable cause
- Retraining Order Prohibiting Urination
- nod from G.W. Bush
- Habeas Rectum
These Items Already Added
what_they_done
- stuff hamsters into blenders
- shoot children in the street
- tickle Richard Simmons
- fart loudly
- shave your dog
- play Love Shack by the B-52's really loud
- Taunt you a second time
- hump you vigorously in public
- hump you vigorously in public
- pick your nose for you
- do the "Hustle"
- spoon tapioca pudding right into your floppy drive
- go to the bathroom any time and any place we want
- remain seated
- giggle nervously at the word "nipple"
- scream "titswinkle, grunties, vibraphone" at the top of our lungs
- violate international law
- use tactical new-kew-lur weapons against anyone we damn well please
- get a chocolate shake with lunch
- keep our left turn signal on all day
- order fries with that
- smell like onions
- dress like ninjas
- have our plan foiled by those pesky kids and their dog
- endorse soft drinks
- use the Slip-N-Slide
- go to the toy store
- have our cake and eat it too
- let the levee's break anytime we want
- take candy from a baby
- order a nice juicy steak if we want, and noone is going to stop us
- juggle really well, ask anyone
- show you a picture of our girlfriend from two states over, but we left it at home and you might try to steal her from us. What do you mean we don't really have a girlfriend? We told you, we have a picture of her, we just forgot it.
- scare you. *BOO* See? See what we did there? We scared you, didn't we?
- read your mind
- watch you shower
- shoot pool like Minnesota Fats
- ride a bicycle without a seat
- drop bombs on anyone, anywhere, at the push of a button
- too do whatever we want and not have to answer to anybody, ever
- pretend you didn't say anything and just keep talking
- do unspeakable things to you
- make you talk. We have ways of making you talk
- blacklist you for asking the wrong questions
- afford insurance even though most of you cannot
- drive a manual
- stare you down
- do the quick draw
- win the lotto
- go to the toy store
- shag the arse off them
- suck your nuts slowly
- violate sexual mores
- dance the funky chicken on our 75th wedding anniversary
- dance the funky chicken on our 75th wedding anniversary
- dance the funky chicken on our 75th wedding anniversary
- dance the funky chicken on our 75th wedding anniversary
- dance the funky chicken on our 75th wedding anniversary
- dance the funky chicken on our 75th wedding anniversary
- dance the funky chicken on our 75th wedding anniversary
- dance the funky chicken on our 75th wedding anniversary
- call you all the rude names we want
- metamorphasise into Ewoks. Can you? No, I didn't think so.
- offer you the opportunity to fuck off!! We're in charge now. Just suck on this for a while bitch.
- now impersonate each and every one of the ogirinal cast of 'The Muppet Show'
- repeat the same answers over and over again, making believe that it will change reality
- go off to war for whatever reason we make up
- dodge military service while remaining hawkish
- drink like a nanny and curse like a sailor
- really go for a beer right about now
- go for years without suspecting
- give Dark Helmet the raspberry, for we are Lone Star
- put the lotion in the bucket or we get the hose
- say one thing and mean quite the opposite
- use Orwell's 1984 as an instruction manual
- do a really cool backflip
- watch TV for 73 hours straight
- hold onto antiquated religious rituals
- Some Law I Just Made Up
- faggots
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- use Jedi mind control. These aren't the droids you're looking for. The program is not corrupt. The President has total authority
- The Guy Who knows All
- balls
- killed everybody
- smell of elderberries
- laugh about poor people's predicaments..afterall it's not our problem and it's not happening to us so who cares
- offer you the opportunity to fuck off!! We're in charge now. Just suck on this for a while bitch.
- offer you the opportunity to fuck off!! We're in charge now. Just suck on this for a while bitch.
- arrested drug dealers
- modify video games to include Smurf incest
- asdasdad
- fit our fists all the way into our mouth
- fit our fists all the way into our mouth
- fit our fists all the way into our mouth
- fuck everyone over
- fuck everyone over
- fuck everyone over
- fuck everyone over
- fuck everyone over
- @!@@#4234234234
- throw Momma from the train
- legally recognize catsup as a vegetable
- require everyone to play Left Behind: Eternal Forces before they may receive a high school diploma
- read everybody's most private LiveJournal posts, with special focus on the ones involving bondage and flogging
- rig the votes on American Idol
- require you all to take Prozac, Effexor, Viagra, and any other drug created by our corporate sponsors, no matter how bad the side effects may happen to be
- fnord
- completely destroy Earth's biosphere and rebuild it from scratch. Everyone in this Administration is a methane-breather anyway
- control the transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image; make it flutter. We
- change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. Sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear
- become invisible! You can't see me! You can't see me! Wait, you say you see me? Crap
- rewrite your daily horoscope
- get you to order pizza with extra anchovies and convince you that you *want* extra anchovies because it helps to fight the War On Terrah
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- use the Bill of Rights for toilet paper
- change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. Sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear
- eat my shorts soaked in Tabasco sauce. Tasty
- tell your mother what you were doing last night when you were supposed to be doing your homework
- convince you that the best way to preserve your freedom is to destroy it
- dance on the Founding Fathers' graves and you'll just sit there applauding and throwing confetti like it means something
- hidden in our closets and looked under our beds.
- hidden in our closets and looked under our beds.
- hidden in our closets and looked under our beds.
- fart loudly
- smell your spicy brains from here
- make sweet, sweet love to you all night long
- dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
- dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind 'cos your friends don't dance and if they don't dance well they're no friends of mine
- we can go where we want to, a place where they will never find
- act like we come from out of this world, leave the real one far behind. And we can dance
- we can go when we want to; the night is young and so am I
- go when we want to; the night is young and so am I
- dress real neat from our hats to our feet and surprise 'em with the victory cry
- act if want to--if we dont nobody will. And you can act real rude and totally removed and I can act like an imbecile
- dance if we want to, we've got all your life and mine. As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it. Everything'll work out right
- be lovers if the rhythm's right. I hope this feeling never ends tonight
- pretend that The Da Vinci Code is great literature, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it
- get free tickets for the best seats to see Superman Returns
- spend all your money on hookers and blow if we do it in the name of national security
- lose 30 pounds in 30 days! Ask me how
- install adware on your computer to help pay for the next election campaign
- go to Disneyland
- send thought-control beams that will go through even your thickest tinfoil hats
- wobble but we don't fall down
- pretend that Bobby McFerrin's song "Don't Worry, Be Happy" is a totally non-ironic paean to the American way of life
- troll through your personal data, tell you with straight faces that we're not trolling through your personal data, and you don't even bother to argue
- sadfasdfasdfasdf
- asdfasdfasdfasdfasdasdfsasdfsdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdasdfsasdfsdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdasdfsasdfsdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdasdfsasdfsdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdasdfsasdfsdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdasdfsasdfsdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdasdfsasdfsdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdasdfsasdfsdf
- dance backwards in the rain wearing a leather bustier and fine silk top hat
- free your mind, and your ass will follow
- go to bed without washing behind our ears and you can't yell at us anymore, Mom
- go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. And also mock that silly Trix rabbit
- squoze a pimple
- squoze a pimple
- force you to listen to bad '80s music all night long and tell you that it's trendy, all while inserting subliminal messages about the joys of being complacent
- fly! We can fly! And we'll put *you* on the No Fly list without ever telling you why
- pretend that Bobby McFerrin's song "Don't Worry, Be Happy" is a totally non-ironic paean to the American way of life
- go when we want to; the night is young and so am I
- argue that there is no need to raise the minimum wage while giving ourselves huge salary increases, which we will proceed to justify in the name of the War on Terror
- anoint our infants with ambrosia and then place them upon a fire to burn away their mortal portions
- clean the Augean Stables by diverting that river you were using for your clean water, all the while ignoring important environmental safeguards because, hey, it's not in our backyard
- bring Cerberus, the three-headed dog of Hades, to the surface world
- go where we want to, a place where they will never find
- eat Twinkies and drink Coke all day long and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it, so there
- fiddle while Rome burns. But you know what's fun to do when something's burning? Toast marshmallows! So hey, hand me that bag over there
- do a little turn on the catwalk. I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me
- read everybody's most private LiveJournal posts, with special focus on the ones involving bondage and flogging
- use X-Ray Vision to stare at your genitalia all day long
- do they Hokey Pokey and turn ourselves around. That's what it's all about
- do they Hokey Pokey and turn ourselves around. That's what it's all about
- beat you every time you use an apostrophe in a plural word. Plurals don't need an apostrophe before the S! They just don't! That isn't so hard to remember
- act like we come from out of this world, leave the real one far behind. And we can dance
- finish the New York Times crossword puzzle, but we have to cheat
- remove all the iron in your body to be used in a secret device designed to summon our gray alien masters. Do not be alarmed, for if you are well-behaved they will replace your heart with a silicon chip
- come up with convincing explanations for all the crap we pull, but we think it's just more fun to make up stories no thinking person could possibly believe
- slam doors without apology, come inside the house without wiping our feet, and use up all the gas in the car without replacing a single drop
- insult someone we've never had sex with. We are that good
- walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. We're still trying to learn how to rub our heads while patting our bellies. Achieving this goal is very important in fighting terrorism, really
- achieved an erection
- achieved an erection
- given up Viagra
- Fart in your general direction
- Fart in your general direction
- look under your bed for shoeboxes full of receipts
- exaimine your underwear for pee stains and such
- lie disingenuously
- look into my eyes, my eyes, look into my eyes, not around my eyes, my eyes
- promote frear, uncertainty and doubt - as long as it gets us reelected
- do anything we damn well please
- kill every last one of you if we want
- smear santorum all over our lover's mouth
- get a boob-job
- really believe the world is coming to an end, just like it says in the Bible
- go "vroom-vroom" and "honk-honk" and turn into a car
- burp the alphabet
- fall in love, all over again
- bounce
- cut their own hair
- promote freedom abroad by destroying it at home
- regurgitate used sperm
- send you to Guantanamo whenever we feel like it
- send you to Abu Ghraib any moment
- be sure you'll agree with us after we've had a little time with you alone
- watch your bathroom right now
- ruin your life by tomorrow
- do nobody no harm." Indeed, as the author of this article can confirm personally, this is all very harmless and legal, and only communists would claim, "
- fake web sites such as this one to confuse people
- pretend nuclear power is safe
- make you say this is only satire
- claim we won in Iraq
- claim we won in Vietnam
- do anything
- cloned fetal corpuscles
